Did you ever wish a hero would come and make the toughest things easy? Did you wish that someone would fend off the bully or help you save your home as the mortgage is forced by a banker?
Batman and The White Knight, all seem to running around saving people. Bruce Wayne had lunch with the mayor and played golf with judges and alderman. He has millions of dollars in equipment which did not come from fighting the system. The white knight is a noble. He wears armour that very few common people could afford in the lifetimes of their whole village. None of these guys would join the crowd at the barricades protesting corrupt land deals. The knight needs a castle or a manor after all. Bruce Wayne needs a mountain for his bat cave and the stately Wayne Manor. They depend on the system. They are the system and although the writers would protest that these characters would fight to right the system if they were real they would realise they have no place outside the system and corruption is a part of its structure. They exist because of the shadows not as acts against them. The person who fights the system cannot be naive and think there is something to be defeated. A nuclear blast is a way to defeat the corrupt deals in a small town somewhere but by the time the radiation has settled into wind-blown dust new dealers will have arrived and new deals will be spun and the dirty dealers will be stepping all over each other and chewing up victims to get anything of value. You need someone like David Suzuki more than you need Batman unless you are the mayor.
Imagine the system in a different way. It is a forest filled with teeming life. The people who populate it are no different from the endless herds of gnu that used to swarm across the grasslands of Africa or the mighty bison of North America. Giant crowds of life joined in common cause and strung together by threads of behaviour. They are limited in their awareness by the conditioning of the herd mind. You can limit yourself to the societal and conditioned way of looking at your community or you can open yourself to other visions and different awareness if you are able. I have been struck by how desperate governments are to rid themselves of mind altering drugs and I have always wondered if they fear the men or women who can see outside social and educational conditioning to the possibilities and to the alternate considerations of human behaviour and habit. It is a lot harder to force a socially limiting agenda onto people who can think beyond the conditioned fear responses that news and politics and law depend on. Those of us fighting to keep the internet pure and free of control know that knowledge helps decay conditioning and brings light to places which have been free of it. sic itur ad astra!
Like a forest full of life there are people who act as the herd animals and blindly blunder through life twisting this way and that to avoid each new threat. It is alright. These are our wonderful mums and dads who work so hard to make our communities safe for their children. There are predators who have no pity and little fear of each other and who prey on those who show weakness. This is the forest though and there are others with considerably more complex purposes and understandings of their world. There are people who think beyond fear and the need to hunt or breed or eat or defecate. They slip between the shadows and move through the herds and they sense the forest as it reaches to the sun. They see the herds and recognise that they are not timeless or limitless or all powerful. They see beyond the moment They are outside the herd mind. They must appear to herd animals and predator alike to be no more than a part of the flowing river of life acting within the network of existence but it is a milleau they will ever struggle to expand and change
Why did I write that. Dunno. Must be the medication!
A community service worker from ADDSI came to my cold little sh*t hole and conveyed me to my appointment. Once again I am not mentioning names of my lawyers or the details of plans as all that assists the opposition or at least I am not experienced enough to know what does and doesn’t. I will open up the closed posts when all is over and no one can get advantage from a slip of my mind.
I sat for a long time in an office overlooking the city. They have a whole floor and all is clean and comfortable and quiet. It is like being in the heart of an elegant machine. The air feels like it is imported from somewhere machines have yet to pollute.
After a while I was directed into a large, sunny office overlooking a huge park that had people flowing back and forth in clumps and thready little columns. Two people waited. Lawyers. They sat around a wide and deep conference table and one took me by the hand, shaking it briskly. The other took my hand as well and after shaking it we shuffled around the desk. My arrival had displaced the symmetry of their personal comfort zones. I sprawled in a chair with both of them at the part of the table closest the door. The rest of the table spread into the room, empty. They had already spent twenty minutes together combing through the testimonies and paperwork. My eyes, behind my misshapen and twisted clip-on sunglasses, were met by eyes with intelligence which smiled and challenged at the same time. I cannot tell you how delighted I was to be facing humans of will and passion. I have tried for different words but I tire now.
We began to negotiate. I am proud of myself. I managed to keep my energies up and hold some of me together. This and that point of law came up and I argued, debated and found evidence of my conjecture. I had a huge body of paperwork in my own hands. Evidence, Medical and legal files and so on. Bit by bit they absorbed, read and challenged everything I had. They copied and wrote and read more. Pages slid between pages. Small bodies of patchy evidence became bodies of solid evidence. It wore me out and I loved it! As much as I am fighting a battle and I am so ill, I needed this mental challenge. It has been so long. I have prepared and struggled to force facts into my brain. I have lost again and again to whatever has damaged my mind be it the chemicals or the stroke or the endless pain but I have been fighting for almost two years to have whatever it was I needed at my fingertips and in my memory in case I ever really found anyone who would let me fight. They will not let me fight of course but it was still a wonderful thing to be in a room of such intelligent and motivated people with everything I needed to meet those minds. I pressed my points as hard as I could and was met calmly with facts. I understand that the system has decided it will deal with things in ways that are not the same as those in the written law. I understand that and eventually had to let them lead me back into the ways the system was prepared to deal with this.
It troubles me that the system became complacent about the number of disabled and mentally unwell who were ground to minced meat through the casual treatment of their conditions by lawyers and courts. I have howled with fury every step of the way and at everyone who has become used to the carnage. Maybe I changed something. Just a nudge maybe. More likely they just think I am a horse’s ass. I tried!
It ended and we all looked embarrassed and a little uncomfortable as though we had woken up in the dawn after a night enjoying group sex behind the pub with strangers. I was and still am exhausted. Thank god for the community workers they send to look after us. I needed to be looked after. I could not have taken myself home after that.
I am still so ill I cannot set up the bed to sleep so the last two nights have been spent freezing and ill on a pile of clothes on the sofa. It was a wonderful meeting though!