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On my lonesome

I have not been placing as many posts in here lately as I have in the past. Things have become very complex and it has been difficult to find clarity in my purpose and in the vision of events.

Some of this may have been in previous entries but it seems important to tell the story as it abides at this point in the passage of events. A plea for assistance went out to the lawyers on the list provided by Legal Aid. The situation had reached a point where the lawyers on the case so far had often proven to be more dangerous to my case than the charges so there seemed to be no safe way to replace the last lawyer to leave the case.

Legal Aid berated me for my flippant responses to this crisis. They were unhappy that I had used jam and coffee stains left on the list of lawyers after it had been used as a table cloth for breakfast to choose the next lawyer. They felt that did not give their industry the appropriate gravity. After the total failure of several lawyers to get a defence operating it seemed to be more gravity than they were entitled to.

Because time was so limited and Legal Aid was sulking about the breakfast stains on their list I sent out the email form letter.

The email plea was answered by only four law firms at the beginning. One suggested I was kidding myself and could not be in the position I claimed to be in. Three asked for a call-back to discuss their employment on the case. One of those wrote that they did not normally take this kind of case nor did they understand why they were on the Legal Aid list but they were very interested in the case and would like to have a meeting.

It was a very refreshing change to find someone interested in the case. So far it had been dealt with by people who were either a part of a network of friends defending my opponent or who wanted to grab the cash they were being paid by Legal Aid and get away with as little work as possible.

A phone call to the interested party saw me speaking to Geoff Brazel who was every bit as interested and passionate about the case as anyone could expect to be. Sarah Brazel turned up to represent me at the mention at Gosford District Court. That was to assess if there would be anyone who still wanted to defend me and to decide on a date for the hearing. I was very impressed by the young lawyer who turned up despite the filter of doubt earlier legal professionals had caused to form.

A meeting with Geoff at their headquarters in Gosford was used to inform me just how interested they were. They were prepared to take my case to a Barrister (Phil Butterfield) who had also professed an interest and see if he would take the case under some kind of pro-bono deal. I almost fell out of my chair! Barristers are very expensive and very highly ranked legal professionals!

You probably need to understand how the mind works after years of being abused and tricked and cheated. To me there was, and is, a struggle with accepting this assistance. It falls to the old saying about something that looks too good to be true, is! For the last few weeks I have wrapped my mind around that saying and what it portends for me. It has driven my mind to knotted despair with possibilities. At the same time my heart is almost overwhelmed with appreciation. I am almost tearing my heart out of my chest and mashing it against the keyboard in the attempt to display just how strong all the feelings are at this point.

Community Services drove me to a meeting at the Brazel’s Offices. Mr Butterfield had travelled all the way from his office in Parramatta and would meet me along with Sarah Brazel at Gosford overlooking the court. That meeting is covered in the post before this as is the way it went.

A week later the meeting is percolating through my mind but there seems to be something adrift between the defence they have offered and the reasons for the continuation I have sought.

Phil Butterfield was sure we would win comfortably on either of two approaches. A redo of the Section 32 appeal (parts 4 or 8) or a self-defence defence and he was determined to go ahead on one of those. I was convinced while in the office but later after giving it some thought I still feel I want to use a different approach. I sent Sarah an email stating that I was unhappy with the direction we were taking. She sent me a very compassionate and thoughtful email back and asked me to think about it over the weekend. She repeated that Phil was sure we had what we needed to get me through this. I was sure about that as well but to my way of thinking it is irrelevant.

Today, Monday I sent her a letter explaining that I will go my own way as I have ideas of what I want from this. What is that? It may be months before I explain what I am doing. First I have to work out what IT is.

I am a little frightened to be here without any support but I realised that the people I have just signed off on are as good it gets. They are outstanding legal professionals. From now on I am on my sad little broken-retard lonesome.

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